he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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