Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
