Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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