Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
