I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
