we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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