She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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