Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
