I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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