so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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