You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
