Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
