My first STD was from a foam party
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
