real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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