my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
