There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
