remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
