I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize