I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
