dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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