I didn't shave. On purpose
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
