this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why is half of my head shaved?
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