I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
