Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
this hospital has no fireball
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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