I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
