Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
