Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
