oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
