she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
