if only i could text you this smell
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
