why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
