I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So drunk its hurt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
