I just pynch a tree in the face
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
