Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
