I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
