i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
