This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
