420 ftw
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
