i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
