your room smells of hookers.
And success
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize