She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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