Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
