I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i think my cat just said my name.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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