Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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