508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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