Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
