Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
