I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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