I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize