Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
