did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My life is pants optional.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
