Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
