Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
