How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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