guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
