i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
