I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
