The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
