Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
