so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
