Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
