He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
