Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
