So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its not stalking. its research.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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