As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
