he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
