If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
