When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
