at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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