Quick, to the slutcave!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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