Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
