he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
