I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
