I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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