he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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