I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
