Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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