Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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