i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
