Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
