Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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