it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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