i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
third nipple confirmed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
