so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
