Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
