don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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