I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
