kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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