isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
