Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
