it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
