It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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